Feel free to contact Michael and/or Joel with questions, comments, rants, raves and suggestions at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Special Announcement! Joel checks into rehab
Los Angeles, Calif.--Many fans of Michael and Joel: At the Movies have been flooding the gang's inbox with questions regarding Joel's health for the past few days. The producers of the site issued a statement this morning in response to the questions and to squelch erroneous rumors that Joel may have died after being crushed by an horse whilst the two had sexual intercourse.
"We, the producers of Michael and Joel: At the Movies, are sad to report from an underground bunker that in an effort to write the best Pineapple Express review possible, little more than one week ago, Joel made a misinformed decision and formed an addiction to cocaine. The addiction escalated at an alarming pace until Joel, at the outset of last week's planned Schindler's List review, was rendered unconscious by a cocaine overdose/heart attack.
"'It was beating, like, really fucking fast,' Joel told doctors of his heart immediately following the incident.
"We, the producers, are proud to announce, however, that Joel made the decision to skip directly to the seventh step of recovery and checked himself into rehab at a super-secret celebrity rehab facility as soon as the center opened at 9 a.m. PST Monday. When rehabilitation was first suggested, Joel vehemently said, "No, no, no." But then he decided to go, go go. With Joel's progressive plan to skip steps deemed 'unnecessary,' he is expected to make a full recovery and return to the site Friday, when Michael and Joel will review 300.
"Joel said he regrets to informs his fans, but that after the incident, which caused him to sustain severe head trauma, he cannot seem to recall the mega huge announcement he was going to make just seconds prior to his noggin hitting the floor, but will do his best to put the pieces back together in upcoming weeks."
Michael also wanted to let fans know that after setting up their email account only three weeks ago, they have already been informed that they have won the British National Lottery. He wants fans to know that this will not change them as people one bit, as they were already rich as tiramisu.